Bus Ride Thinking

Today, as any other day of the week, started no differently, I sat on the 199 with dark sunglasses on and headphones in. My eyes wandered between the outside world, viewed through the bus glass to the inside of the bus filled with strange people taking the same journey as myself. I often think and imagine what are they thinking, are they looking at me looking at them and thinking to themselves what is he thinking about?

I sit in the last row of the bus, the longest seat which sits five people across I do this because I catch the bus from it s first stop and therefore have a choice in seating. Most days I give myself a choice of whether to sit in the far right or far left corner of the bus, my preference based around whether the sun is out and which side of the bus has the appropriate strength of air-conditioning. I decide to sit on the far left today, the sun is out on the right side, however my seat has a tear and looks damp, I sit down anyway waiting for the soaking of water into the seat of my pants but it never comes, I sit and wait for the rumble of the bus and the first shunt of movement as it and I together begin a journey to the city.

This morning I am distracted by a faint ache in my mouth, I think a wisdom tooth is rearing its ugly painful head and I feel guilty not going to see a Dentist, knowing very well there will be other teeth related problems If I decide to attend. I also am deciding within myself about choices which have to be made in the not so distant future regarding my future as a man.

I was invited to a discussion with two fellows from a highly reputable consulting firm who I had previously emailed and who had decided to invite me along for lunch at a swanky bar. We talked and they told me about their role and what the job and the company did and how they worked. They excited me, they were different, intriguing, building themselves up a castle amidst a drowning market, invincible to even the greatest economic pressures, they saw opportunity in crisis. They told me the store of another young man who worked for them last year, who was having great success within their company, whose role was consulting to upper level executives in a class room environment to tailing a supervisor on the basin of a dusty coal mine, I was inquisitive to know more. They seemed to believe this could parallel a journey which I might undertake and sought my thoughts and feeling on taking on such a job, I said what came to mind and that was to think and think long and hard about a decision which would effectively change my life, my future, relationships and a career path I would embark on.

The job would triple my salary, send me into a remote town where I would live from Monday to Friday and fly home on the weekends, working 12 hour days with people who wouldn't respect me and who i would have to gain their trust. The greatest incentive to do this would be the money, more money than anyone I know is earning a year, more money than I know any of my peers are earning and greater responsibility. It would allow a sense of change in an ogranisation, the ability to break ground at a new level and dictate, analyse and facilitate ideas and concepts which no one would have believed possible.

I ran this idea over and over in my head as I sat on the bus watching people stare at the same flashing houses as I was, watching people sway as the bus rocked down the road and stopped suddenly for cars. I wanted to know how I could make a decision, what ideas I had, who i could ask for help. I realised it was only I who could make the choice, so I moved the idea away and stepped onto the concrete footpath stained with gum and the blackness of shoe soles, people rushed by with morning coffees and I walked slowly to the other world in which I worked, to a comfortable chair, air-conditioned room and the ability to write this blog while surfing various news websites.

Why would I want to take myself from this comfort zone and throw myself head long into a new life, where my boundaries for comfort would be seriously compromised?